


The Glamorous Lives

by ace_corvid



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst Mixed With Humour, Bigender Sollux, Depression, Dirk and Roxy do not adjust the best, Earth C (Homestuck), Earth C Shenanigans, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Imagine seeing these kids as literal gods bc i cant, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Muteness, Nonbinary Roxy, Not Epilogue Compliant, POV Outsider, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, THEY'RE HAPPY OK HUSSIE, Trans Dave, Trans dirk, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but this is the first time i've actually got my ass in gear and wrote something, for some things, i have been in this fandom for a long ass time, so of course its borderline crack, theyre just here to help present the story, trans Jade, trans characters written by a trans author, trivial ocs that dont matter, vriska is back from the void
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-06-09 15:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15270918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace_corvid/pseuds/ace_corvid
Summary: One may think that being a God would mean you have an image to uphold.If that image is being a cryptic bunch of emotionally damaged assholes who end up having tumblr blogs dedicated to weird sightings of them (essentially every sighting), then the Gods of Earth C are doing something right.In which the kids are still just kids trying to cope and they're still not entirely enamoured with being worshipped, but are fucking memes all the same.





	1. Welcome to Earth C, we're all children of jEGUS

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I have been in this fandom for ages and I have so many fic ideas that aren't this whole ass mess but fuck me if I'm gonna write them.  
> The Striders and Jade are trans because I'm trans and I want them to be. Sollux is bigender because i say they are, and it makes sense with their whole deal with duality.  
> Dave and Dirk are my favourite characters so this might centre around them a bit.  
> Davekat, Rosemary, and Calroxy are all established, but Dirkjake is gonna need to sort some things.  
> Some of these will be funny. Some not so much.  
> THERE ARE LIGHT DESCRIPTIONS OF DAVE'S CHILD ABUSE AND REFERENCES TO BRO, AND MENTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS, SO HEED THIS WARNING IF THOSE ARE TRIGGERS FOR YOU.

The fact of the matter is the general population wasn't really all that religous. They barely even had a concept of it. That is to say, only humans really had any preconception to it, and that was universes ago. Trolls generally only worshipped their emperor, and no such figure existed in the new world (it was made sure of) and there was no room for miracles on this planet. Carapacians and consorts were game constructs; they knew better. They knew that Gods were self-made, forged from death and uncomprehending children. They were players, not something to be worshipped- more akin to royalty. But they were still Gods, bound to immortality, carrying conditions as everything did; nothing in Sburb had existed without a catch. As such, Gods they were treated as.

Before the Gods had shown up on Earth C, there had been a fair bit of scepticsm as to whether they even existed, in the human and troll communities, which was fair enough. There were theologists who studied everything they had left behind, and scoured over what WV, the precious founding Mayor, had told of their legend. It wasn't much. He spun tales of the greatest town, built by him, assisted by Gods that came from a meteor, that was the framework for all he carried on- He told of music and moving pictures, which by now had been deciphered to mean films which could not have possibly existed at the beginning of time, and he told of strangely coloured eyes- red and purple, glowing with time and light. That they would arrive, and the world had to be built for them so that they could _rest_.

Time had passed, as time does, and even the existence of WV and his credibility was soured by cynics, unwilling to be able to think of the existence of a higher power, and in denial of their infinitesimal meaning in the universe's grand scheme.

So, no one had really known what to expect from the deities, other than they would come, and even that was debatable. Or at least it was, until they did come.

They had no expectations of the gods, and somehow, this was still not what they were expecting.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hi, my name is Tori Yasheem, with the Metropolitan News live from the human kingdom. I'm here with one of the God's who has just arrived, in our latest breaking story. The Gods are real, and they're finally here! So, your.. higness, it has been foretold that the Gods have individual powers connected to aspects of our universe- that you created! So what can you do?"

This was it. This was probably the single largest story Tori would ever get in her entire career, this could make _everything_ for her. She'd never get a filler story again. She was stood here interviewing a _God_ after all.

"Rip souls out of bodies. Splinter myself like cracked glass into different pieces. Destroy someone's entire self. The like."

Oh fucking jesus christ.

 

* * *

 

 

Dave didn't want anything to do with the human kingdom. John invited him- to stay that is. Stay with him and Jane, make up for lost time from when he was on the meteor. Rose and Jade had been offered the same olive branch. Jane had not asked any of the alpha kids to stay. They had not been seperated like the beta kids had been. It was time away that they _wanted_. Time to breathe air that isn't the same and to think thoughts that aren't about the others. It's clear from the way they can't hold each others gazes that they need time to think and recover.

Dave has no such excuse, but he's going to refuse anyway.

Trolls are easier to Dave. They're loud; their anger isn't quiet, and their violence is upfront and almost comfortable. Dave never has to worry about them springing out at him, because if they were going to attack him, they'd let him know about it. They wouldn't drag him onto a roof, smothered by cruel Texan heat and leave the sting of boiling tarmac on his fingers, or the sun beating down on his back- they'd just fight him where he stood. They yell and they cackle and they screech and it isn't that silence that worms its way into his skin, making it crawl and feel like it's almost tearing him apart from the inside. Dave never really feels alone at all these days, even when no one is around- the deafening void of noise is more than enough to make him feel watched, surrounded and cornered. Dave is all too used to feeling like that.

They don't know human customs very well either. When Dave wakes up in a cold sweat and hides food in his closet, _just in case_ , it is the dead of night. When Karkat wakes up the next morning and questions it, it is very easy to lie. When Dave almost chokes at the sight of blood, he blames it on squeamishness, and ignores Vriska's sneer of 'human weakness' to instead fight off a panic attack without a muscle in his face twitching- Dave isn't bothered by blood much, but rather the memories of stitching himself back together in a pupeteers wet dream of a bathroom. He didn't find himself bleeding so much these days, but testosterone hadn't staved off his periods yet; that's a whole different kind of bad.

If Dave chooses not to eat somedays, the trolls don't comment. Despite safely having had access to food for 3 years, sometimes, it is hard to force himself into a kitchen. He does not, under any circumstances, open the fridge.

The trolls do not question the map of scars on his body. They have them too.

Not that anyone can know any of this. It still feels wrong and dangerous, to show any kind of weakness. It is a non issue, that he can take care of by himself. No one needs to know. He would only be troubling them, and he doesn't want to see the pity in their eyes anyway.

He tells John thanks, but he would rather live with his boyfriend, and still manages not to use the word boyfriend. He thinks he may mention something about 'convenient fucking distance' while rambling, but doubts John takes any of his rambles seriously enough to cause concern. John seems mildly disappointed, but comments no further about it. Rose, however, surprisingly deigns to stay with John for a little while, but explains to him of her intentions to join Kanaya in the breeding caverns after two weeks. Jade exclaims she missed out on 3 years of living with her brother and decides to stay indefinitely.

They are paraded through the troll kingdom with fevered glee, and Dave tries not to show the blatant love and warmth he feels in front of everyone when he sees Karkat finally happy and smiling, like a weight is off his shoulders; no easy task for a knight. Dave would know. A plastic crown sits atop his head, and the air is pleasantly warm. Music dances through the air, and all that is left to do is be happy.

Dave moves in with Karkat and Terezi for a little while, until she rescues Vriska from the void, bringing Aradia and Sollux in tow, and it is all fine. Aradia decides to travel the world, and Dave doubts at this point Sollux wants to leave her, so they go too, and Vriska drags Terezi apartment shopping, which leads to a whirlwind decision to move in together.

There is a spare room in the house, until a month later, Jade barges in, tears storming down her face. She does not know how to live with humans.

Dave knows the feeling.

There is no longer a spare room in the house, and so Dave tries to avoid Jade, and takes solace in the fact that he'll never see his own dead body again, and his ~~brother~~ ~~father~~ Bro is dead.

 

* * *

 

 

Finch had been mostly unaffected when the news about the Gods dropped. He had been in the middle of finals week- he had bigger things to worry about than crippling existentialism, like making coffee strong enough to melt a spoon, which he sorely needed. Thankfully he worked at a Starbucks.

Not so thankfully, now that exams were over, he had to work the night shift again.

It wasn't too bad. He wasn't the only one on shift, and it wasn't as if he had a steady sleep schedule anyway, so why the hell not. It was a slightly liminal space at night, but Finch didn't really mind. It wasn't like mothman was gonna jump through the window.

It's just that Finch was slightly worried the guy who just walked in may actually be a cryptid.

He wore rainbow hightops, and Finch could just see the tops of fishnet ankle socks peeking out from the garish shoes. He wore simple orange shorts, fabric, like the kind you'd wear to bed, which may not have been weird if it wasn't freezing cold and the dead of night. He wore a tank top with a shitty pixel drawing of rainbow dash, with text in comic sans underneath, reading 'no homo, brony-o'. He appeared not to be binding or wearing a bra underneath, either. He had fingerless gloves on, which was a detail Finch noticed and feared, but not as much as the anime shades, which Finch could begrudgingly respect. The gel slicking back his hair to give it qualities like that of a shounen manga protagonist had to be at least two days old, and it was as greasy as a chip pan. His face was oily and spotty. Finch could see a skateboard through the window and has no doubts it belonged to this man.

"Can I get some milk?" He says. His voice is hoarse and sounds underused, and he signs along with it.

"Sure." Finch says, absolutely certain he looks completely dead inside, probably because he is. He does not want to question this. He is not _paid_ to question this. He has seen weirder figures, at 3 AM in starbucks.

He makes the milk, put it on the counter and names the price.

The man hands him 69 cents exactly. This was not the price. Finch sighs and decides not to comment on it.

"Will that be all, sir?" Finch says, completely monotone.

"I'm lactose intolerant." The man says, also completely deadpan, and starts slurping the drink from the cup. He walks outside, gets on his skate board, and ollies away.

His co-worker, Janet, stares at him with wide eyes. "I think that was a God."

 

* * *

 

 

Rose loves her girlfriend. She supposes she loves earth. These two things mixed? Perfect.

Kanaya is a curious soul, and loves to ask about things, and attempt to compare them to alternian culture. She had done this with a multitude of things; dogs, rain, bees, grass. Nothing was safe from her inquisitive gaze.

"Rose," She asks, pointing to a tame house cat. It is a tabby with wide eyes and a swishing tail. "Is this some sort of miniature domesticated meowbeast?"

The oppurtunity is presented. She would be a fool not to take it.

"That's pussy, babe."


	2. Let's get this bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what the fuck is naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for the wait but sometimes it be like that you know  
> please dont be mad krgjneorbgebpofj  
> PLEASE READ THE BOTTOM NOTES ITS IMPORTANT THANKS  
> AFTER YOU READ THE CHAPTER THO  
> OBVS  
> ITS PROBABLY NOT AS GOOD AS WHAT YOU WERE HOPING THO  
> SO  
> also thank you amber for being my beta even tho youve never read homestuck youre the real mvp

In the new universe, the stars sparkle delicately in the sky. Rose looks to them and thinks them far too fragile, as if they could fracture into dust; They could break as easily as the peace. What is a star to a meteor?

In the aftermath of the game, the night sky is no solace.

This is a none issue in the Lalonde-Maryam household, thankfully. Their date nights are filled with things other than stargazing, like movie nights preceded by an hour long vicious all-out _brawl_ for the glorious prize of the remote

"Kanaya, my love, my light, my everything." Rose said coyly, pressing a light kiss into her girlfriends cheek. Kanaya rolls her eyes and raises a poised eyebrow. They are curled up on the couch, tucked into a sea of blankets and silky throw pillows, tightly leaning into one another. Various sweet wrappers have been littered over the general area, and the popcorn bowl is annoyingly empty. The new movie of 'Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruits' plays in the background, mostly ignored for loving gazes and whispered jokes. God knows where the cat is- but not these Gods. Different Gods.

"Rose." Kanaya answers primly, sniffing delicately as Rose chuckles, having thrown her arms around Kanaya, cuddling into her warmth. They're ridiculously close and warm and suffocating in the sea of blankets that's taken over the couch. It's a brand of domestic Rose convinced herself she'd never have.

"Please go put some more popcorn in." Rose asks, a mock pout flickering across her face. "I'm comfortable and I don't want to move. She's lit up in a fairyland of lights from the TV screen, and Kanaya stops to think that she's more beautiful than all the stars in the sky anyway

Still. 

"You have perfectly useful legs. _You_ can get up and make it." Kanaya intones. Rose groans dramatically and throws herself back, pulling herself out of the little cocoon of blankets she had made for herself. She proceeds to yelp as the lack of warmth accosts her, and she clambers inelegantly back up against her wife.

Her _wife_.

"On second thought, don't get up." Rose huffs, voice muffled due to snuggling further into her wife, looping their arms together and fitting her head into Kanaya's shoulder. They fit together like puzzle pieces.

The movie plays on, and share soft giggles in the darkness, pulling up the blankets with glee.

 

* * *

 

 

"Dirk, stop being ridiculous." Dave groans, throwing a pillow at his brother. "This is ridiculous."

"No it's not." Dirk signs petulantly, before crossing his arms in a sulk.

"I am not watching the My Little Pony movie with you."

 

* * *

 

 

John walks in the kitchen to a copious amounts of baked goods on the table, and fights to suppress a sigh.

"Jane?" He asks, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes, just to check the unnerving amount of cupcakes wasn't a hallucination. You could never be sure after all. Anything was possible in The Game.

"Oh sorry John. I didn't mean to impose on your kitchen, I just... I didn't want to be home alone." Jane says, wringing her hands together nervously. John musters up a smile despite the early morning and aims it at her.

"Hey, you're welcome here any time. You know that." He nods to her, and she gives a wry smile back.

"At the very least, I should've let you know I was here." Jane nods, decisively. The oven beeps behind her, and she gives john an apologetic shrug before moving to take the sweets out of the oven.

"It doesn't matter." John intones, taking a doughnut off the table and biting into it. A truly healthy breakfast. "I'm not about to complain about free food, Jane."

"Yes, well. I always have been a stress baker." Jane flaps as she makes her way around the kitchen. She knows it well enough.

"Crockercorp bothering you that much, huh?" John tries to sound interested in the conversation, he really does, but John hasn't been in much of a people mood lately. Or any mood lately. Since the game ended it's almost like he's been... empty? Numb? He doesn't really know. He's hoping if he just ignores it he'll go back to normal eventually, but right now all he wants to do is to curl up in bed and lock himself away from the world.

"No no, I love my job! It's everything I've wanted ever since I was small after all, and I'm not disillusioned at all." She's quick to assure him, but there's a far away look in her eye that seems sadder and sadder everytime you notice it. "It's just. Hard. Without my friends. I miss them."

"Well what's stopping you from making up with them? Just go talk to them-" John begins, but Jane shuts him off with a sharp look.

"John, maybe I'll think about listening to you when you figure it out with _your_ friends." She snaps.

John recoils like he's been slapped. Jane reaches out to soothe over the words, apologize, but before she can even make a placating gesture John is the breeze, and the wind can never stay in one place. Not that John would, in this case. Nice one.

Jane sighs and puts another batch in the oven.

 

* * *

 

 

Marco is not, and never will be paid enough for this job. Like sure yeah he can survive and afford to treat himself at the end of the week, but if the price is _this_ then it will never be enough. It's clearly not bad enough that he has a mountain of homework at home and has to put himself through law school. Evidently.

"Ma'am, can I help you?" Marco tries to sound sweet and helpful, but both he and the nightmare customer know that his heart just isn't in it.

"Probably not, why do you ask?" She replies. The troll's voice sounds distinctly like nails on a chalkboard, but even if her voice had sounded like _velvet in the springtime,_ it probably still would have grated on him.

"Well I'm happy to help is all." Well, that sounded strained and passive agressive. He's so fucking fired.

"You think the helpless blind woman automatically needs help, huh?" She asks menacingly, but there's a slyness to the way she drawls her words and this feels more like a test of Marco's basic patience and strength than a test of his customer service skill.

"No, of course not." He says with an amount of calm that he _does not_ feel. "It's just that customers who don't need _some kind_ of help don't traditionally lick the displays."

"I'm tasting them."

"You are licking them.

"Yes."

"Ma'am, please don't lick the displays."

"Is it a rule? Is it _law?"_ She says with a glint in her unseeing eyes that's menacing and terrifying all in one and _Gods when does his shift end-_

Resisting the urge to lie down and just start screaming, Marco sighs. "I'm fairly certain this is unprecedented."

"I am one of a kind. I'm also not causing any harm." She's not _technically_ wrong but...

"Customers don't often buy things slathered in spit. Besides, we could always just put the rule in place for you." Marco desperately attempts, hoping he hasn't let his frustration seep into this voice like grease seeping into the bottom of a bag of fast food.

 _Gods_ he could use some fast food.

"I'll concede you that point." The woman cackles. "Fair enough then."

Marco hopes that's the end of this ordeal but it's clearly not, as her eyes start glowing with what can only be seer fugue. It leaves quick enough that Marco begins to doubt if it was ever there, but this woman made out of sharp angles and shark grins is now looking at him as if she's seen his entire soul. If she really is a seer, maybe she has.

"Ma'am..." He trails off, not trusting his voice. She merely smiles at him.

"Good luck on your bar exam, Marco. You'll do well, you're a good student." Her voice is quieter and rustier, but no less disturbing. "Not to mention, you have the blessing of the Seer of Mind."

Quicker than she can process, she reaches her claws to his head and clenches. Light explodes behind his eyes and all he can see is the Mind Aspect emblazoned into his vison like dancing sun spots. When he is able to see clearly again, the woman is gone.

What.

 _What_.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey Karkat." Dave says, his tone bland. Karkat looks over from his book, frowning. They're squished up together, Dave fucking around on his phone and Karkat devouring the book he'd been wanting to read the minute he got the chance to sit down. They're touching in every way they possibly can, in such a tangled mess that Rose would liken them to a Lovecraftian abomination, but it's domestic and comfortable. Karkat says he likes to make up for a lifetime of lost touches, done with living in isolation and fear. Dave says he just likes to touch Karkat, but Karkat sees Dave drop tension like it's hot when Karkat smoothes a hand over his skin. It had taken time for that to happen though; In the beginning, even a ghosting, fleeting hand on Dave spelled disaster. He still flinches, sometimes, when he's touched, but only when he thinks Karkat isn't looking, and it's more of a rarity everyday that passes.

"Yes Dave?" Karkat flops his head onto Dave's shoulder, and Dave tries to keep his face blank but Karkat can see him overcome with fondness, which he returns with a shy smile.

"Did you know you Naruto ran your way into my heart?" Dave tries to deadpan, but Karkat knows he's utterly amused with himself.

Karkat snorts, "What the fuck is a Naruto?"

Dave startles and looks at him with wide, open eyes. "You don't have like, Troll Naruto or something?"

"No?"

"Sasuke?" Dave says in a broken voice far too dramatic for the situation and Karkat rolls his eyes but he's stifling giggles.

"No? What's up with you?" Karkat nudges him on the shoulder and kisses him on the cheek. Big old smooch, right on his face, no hesitations. Dave blushes red as his shirt.

"I'm just really emotional that Naruto wasn't significant enough in the grand scheme of things to translate into the Troll Universe but Will Smith _was_."

"Hey, I won't tolerate this Will Smith slander! I can't believe you're being so dramatic, Dave."

Karkat does not think he imagines the tears in Daves eye's when he sits up ramrod straight and yells "BELIEVE IT!", knocking Karkat straight off his lap and onto the floor.

 

* * *

 

 

The security guard eyes up Dirk as he walks out of the Jamba juice. This is not surprising. Dirk has a wheelbarrow of swords.

"Um... What have you got there? Buddy?" He says nervously.

"A smoothie."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY PLEASE HELP MY SORRY ASS GET ORGANIZED AND HAVE A SAY IN WHAT I WRITE NEXT  
> IF I KNOW WHAT IM DOING CHANCES ARE I WILL WRITE Q U I C K E R  
> no guarantees tho  
> ANYWAY PLEASE SEND IN REQUESTS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE, OR PICK ONE OF MY PROMPTS AND TELL ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT NOW RATHER THAN LATER  
> HERE THEY ARE
> 
> -TRANS CLUB! TRANS CLUB! TRANS CLUB!  
> -dave and john becoming close again  
> -dirkjake recovery  
> -john household shenanigans  
> -the calroxy we deserve  
> -relationships,, soft  
> -the rosemary we've all been waiting for  
> -double date night (davekat and rosemary)  
> -nightmares  
> -night terrors (Dave) (or any of them tbh)  
> -going in the fridge (Dave)  
> -the 'why alternia fucking sucked' education station  
> -dirk and Dave bonding time  
> -dirk and Dave sibling piles  
> -davekat fluffy make out sessions  
> -jade angst  
> -daves past is revealed to others?? Not sure abt who, maybe rose or Karkat idk???  
> -panic attack fun  
> -dirk and his adventures in muteness  
> -sign language lessons in hell  
> -ALPHA KIDS ALPHA KIDS ALPHA KIDS PLEASE THEY NEED TO MAKE UP  
> -speaking of,, Dirk and Jane are my brotp pls  
> -life in the dream bubbles  
> -davepeta and the other sprites  
> -the god's Tumblr blogs? ngl im debating this one im not sure  
> -more outsider perspectives on general shenanigans
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING I LOVE YALL SO MUCH YOU'RE ALL SO NICE RBGEKGHBKJFND


	3. MY CITY NOW HUSSIE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TELL YOUR FUCKING MEAT ROUTE THAT IM A VEGETARIAN AND I AINT FUCKING SCARED OF HIM  
> AND CANDY ISN'T A FUFULLING MEAL  
> (me @ the epilogue: its free real estate.jpg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I SURE AM GLAD THAT HOMESTUCK DOESNT HAVE AN EPILOGUE AND I AM DAMN FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT AND ALL THESE CHARACTERS ARE HAPPY AS FUCK  
> JADE IS HAPPILY SINGLE, DAVEKAT ARE IN LOVE AS PER USUAL, ROSE IS WELL, DIRK IS LIVING HIS BEST LIFE, JANE ISN'T A CAPITALIST AND EVERYONE IS ENJOYING THEMSELVES ON EARTH C WHICH IS DOING ECONOMICALLY FINE  
> MY CANON NOW  
> THIS IS MY BIGGEST UPDATE YET OUT OF SPITE

Sometimes Davepeta felt distant.

It wasn't an unusual feeling in any rights. Being Davesprite for as long as they had been, ostracized as a non-real dave, nothing but a double somehow lesser than an original, despite giving up both his and his sister continued existence as 'alpha' to save the timeline, they'd grown used to such feelings. Even to Nepeta it had a familiarity, growing up on a murder planet, completely isolated from life other than her lusus- although Davesprite had also felt this under the guardianship of Bro, about which the less said the better.

Any number of things was enough to make Davepeta feel distant these days. Make no mistake, Davepeta was the happiest they'd ever been in any of their existences across the timelines, but sometimes they felt far away. Like existence was slightly to the left. And although ARquiusprite offered constant companionship, somethimes their other friends felt impossibly unreachable. After arriving to Earth C, they hadn't spent much time with any of them, feeling awkward and out of touch. Sollux and Aradia, who they'd arrived with, had almost immediately left to travel the world. No one knew when they'd be back.

It was like they were lost. Stuck in their own corporeality. No escape from existing. They were happy, they were sure, but sometimes it felt like that happiness was muted, like they couldn't quite feel it even though it was there. It was easy to lose time, waste away hours in mudanity without even being aware of it. Apparently both Dirk and Dave suffered from these 'disassociative episodes' though, so that must just be a Strider thing,

Which was why tea with Roxy was such a pleasant surprise!

"I have to say Roxy, I'm a little surprised you invited me over." Davepeta told her as much, sipping lightly from a teacup decorated in human cherubim which large rosy cheeks and squishy faces, little wings too small for their little bodies. "We can't have spoken more than twice, although half of me considers you to be a mother or a sister of some sort."

"What about the other half?"

"Appreciative of your love of cats. Vodka Mutini is just so cute!" Said cat was lay across their lap purring up a storm and batting at their neon coat. Davepeta gave them an adoring chin scritch, cooing at them. Roxy chuckled delicately.

"That she is." Roxy smiled, but their was an anxiousness to it. Like they wanted to ask something but they weren't sure how to breach the subject. Something only Davepeta could help with maybe?

"Was there something you needed?" Davepeta gently asked, scopping up Mutie and placing them gently to the floor, ignoring their mewling protests. Roxy seemed to be struggling to meet their eyes.

"You're nonbinary right?" She finally blurted, her face a little fearful. Davepeta tried to look gentle and nodded.

"Yeah, that's the term. I'm the product of two people, one of who was a trans guy, and the other a troll with no particularly strong feelings about gender, but was definitely feminine. You'd think they'd be at war with themselves but honestly, I'm not. I'm perfectly comfortable being neutral. And trust me, I definitely don't miss the dysphoria, so I'm not complaining." Davepeta explained, smiling at her. She smiles back a little tentatively but still looks a little nervous. She bites her lip.

"So you've just always known?" They seem a little disappointed at that, like it wasn't what they were looking for. It hits Davepeta like a frieght train; _Roxy's questioning their gender_.

"Well yeah, but my existence is somewhat a special case." They concede. "If you'd like I could talk about Dave figuring out he was trans- I was a variant of him at some point, and nonbinary people fall do under the trans label."

"That's ok. I've already talked to Dave and Dirk a lot about being trans." Roxy visibly steels themself. "I just feel like I don't fully identify with that label. I think I'm more nonbinary, and I like using They/Them."

"That's great!! Oh my God, we're enby buddies!! Are you gonna start coming to Trans Club??" Davepeta bounces around to their side of the table to throw their arms around them and squeeze them into as tight a hug as they can muster.

"I think I might, but one thing first." Roxy grins widely. "Hey, will you help me cut my hair??"

 

* * *

 

Karkat wakes up lying next to Dave, as he usually does, wrenching himself from the lingering stiffness of a nightmare. Bright, candy red blood flashes behind his eyes in the darkness of his room, and leaks from him eyes in streaming tears, but Karkat doesn't turn on the lights. Dave wakes up easily, too easily, like he's always ready to face something that isn't there, but _what_ Karkat doesn't know. Karkat leaves him sleeping peacefully, taking a second to regard him and his stupid cute face fondly before going downstairs.

"Karkat?" Jade whispers. She looks at his tear stained, blotchy face and takes his hand. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah." He whispers, and trundles to the kitchen to get a glass of water, obsinately ignoring the concern a painted picture on Jade's face.

"Was it a nightmare?" She asks, her tone a little accusing. Heaven forbid Karkat repress his problems like a normal person. She probably wants to talk. Karkat cannot express how much he wants to not do that.

"No, I'm awake at an unholy hour of the night because my species is nocturnal and I'm the picture of mental health."

"All of the trolls have adjusted to diurnal cycles and that's the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard." Her deadpan drags her voice out of a whisper, and Karkat viciously shushes her. He doesn't want to wake Dave. He loses enough sleep from night terrors as it is. Jade looks sheepish for a second or two, but then roll her eyes and punches him on the arm. He hisses at her.

"Leave it Jade."

"Talking helps, Kar. I'm your friend, you can talk to me!"

"There isn't one person on Earth C who doesn't know I talk too much Jade."

"Was it the game?" The night is still and Karkat freezes to match it. It's a long time befor he answers.

"No. It was Alternia."

"Huh. I thought you liked it there." She whispers lightly. Her confusion and concern is gentle and Karkat gets the distinct feeling a hug is in his near future. It feels like human pity, which is nothing like troll pity. Human pity makes Dave defensive and it makes him lash out angrily and speak in uncomfortable stunted sentences and makes him close into himself and deal with all his problems on his own. Which sounds like a good thing for Karkat to do right about now.

"Actually, being ridiculously close to death for being a mutant freak with your filthy human blood colour all the time wasn't my definition of fun Jade" He snaps. She jerks back a little and raises an eyebrow at his angry tone, thoroughly unimpressed, but huffs out a sigh and doesn't say anything. She drags herself out of her chair and meanders into the kitchen. She pours some random instant hot chocolate mix he didn't even know they owned into two mugs and puts the kettle on in silence.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have snapped." He mumbles, and she just hums lightly. It's as much an invitation to talk as it is a familar quiet in the dead of the night. The stars through the window shine. Insert some stupid metaphor about the moon borrowing light from the sun here, to relate back to his own shitty situation. Yadda yadda and so on and so forth.

So he just talks. About Alternia. Jade barely speaks except for interjections, questions, and soothing gestures. He runs out of tears about 12 times. He talks about his lusus and how misses him, about being scared of so much as a carpenter drone and being utterly alone in the world. The deep buried knowledge that most of his friends, had they found him out pre-game, would have murdered him without so much of a second glance, and most of them wouldn't have lost sleep over him. He talks about being unable to fit into troll society, but being desperate to, and his dreams of somehow proving his metal and serving the empire anyway, in some twisted attempt to ignore the fact that he was too small in the grand scheme to matter enough to matter enough to avoid death, especially for the grand crime of existing. Deviation from the norm will always be punished unless it's exploitable. He tells her how even on the meteor he grasped for some kind of conformity to his lost home, and his obsession with quadrants. The unbearable isolation of blood. How in the end it didn't even matter. How, in the end, he failed to keep what was left of his home alive in his friends.

How his home plantet was awful and violent and vicious and would have killed him without mercy and somehow he managed to hate it and love it with equal measure. They have ran out of instant hot chocolate by the end. The sun rises in the window and the stars aren't gone but they're no longer to be seen.

Dave finds them both barely awakes sat on the the kitchen island.

You should have woke me, he says.

No, Karkat thinks. He looks at Jade, who sleepily hugs him before going to bed right there on the couch. He didn't need to.

 

* * *

  

"Hey imagine if I achieved my ultimate self and became a transphobic asshole and absolutely everything was ruined, would that be fucked up or what."

"Hey Dirk, what the actual fuck. _You're_ trans, for one."

"Well I _said_ it would be fucked up."

 

* * *

 

Dirk couldn't talk like he should be able to. Years of isolation on a post-condesce world and his stupid stoic, silent coolguy attitude left him quiet, with no one to teach him how to talk. He mostly learned from movies and clips of his Bro, picking up a Texan accent somewhere along the way. Roxy had babbled to carapacians for most of her life, so she didn't quite have the same problems. Dirk ended up with selective mutism, sometimes just not being able to force the words out, have never needing to before, his voice hoarse and rusty from disuse anyway.

So, sign language lessons. This was never going to be anything short of a disaster.

Dirk sat there with his head in his hands, and Roxy, rocking a hella new pixie cut look with fading pink dye and shocking blonde roots, looked undeniably pained. In the corner, Karkat was continually flipping Dave off, who was fingerspelling 'fuck' over and over again with varying degrees of giggling. Rose did appear to be putting in some effort, but Kanaya looked like she was beyond confused. Jade was very happily doing everything wrong. Davepeta was gaining fluency with ease, as they were probably the most functioning person in the room, which was kind of like being the tallest dwarf. Terezi was loudly complaining about how this was biased towards sighted people, and was on her third time of asking Dirk if she should just lick his hands. 

"No Terezi, please Do Not do that."

"How did you capitalize that with your mouth."

They continued on for an hour or two, and by the end of it, Dave and Jade could fingerspell pretty quickly, understand most basic signs and Rose could even do a couple, even though she didn't really need to, as while Dirk was sometimes mute, he wasn't deaf. It could be useful if she met someone else though so, who cares in the end. Dirk certainly didn't. Dirk was _done_. Karkat and Kanaya could butcher most basic signs, and Davepeta has gotten bored and started making a paper crane from the sheet of paper with the signs on.

Terezi's tongue was getting menacingly close.

"This concludes sign language lessons from hell, you're all on your own, _get out_."

Until next week that was. The things Dirk did to be understood.

 

* * *

 

The book store Ethan worked at was, quite honestly, something out of a movie. Leatherbound books decorated the shelves with more recent paperbacks scattered in, volumes upon volumes of prose, modern books and classical melding into a home of literature through the ages in yellowed paper pages. It was his dream job, while working on his degree. He couldn't begin to chronicle the stories in the store, portals to other worlds, journals of escapism. They were all works of art, and Ethan loved working here.

The bell tingled as a young woman entered the store. She had blonde hair, pale enough to border on white, piercing lavender eyes, and a cacophany of freckles littered her pale skin. Her lips were painted black, but she seeemed devoid of any other kind of make up. Her eyes wrinkled a little as she smiled at him, before moving away to peruse at the many, many books that called the store home.

He wondered what she was here for. She seemed like the sort of woman who was well versed in literature, and not many chose a quaint shop like this over a waterstones. She could probably tear apart Dickens with her bare hands, and rip Byron to shreds with nothing but her teeth. Seemed like she'd be into some Bronte, probably enjoys Alice in Wonderland. In terms of modern authors, she might enjoy the works of Leigh Bardugo, had more than likely disowned J.K. Rowling like any sensible reader these days, and probably reads some Lalonde.

"Do you have any spell books?" She's at the counter now. She has an excitability about her that Ethan can relate to; books, you know. He nods and points her to unfortunately small shelf a few rows away.

"Everything from a necrinomicon to an enchiridion. There's a couple wiccapedia's, some tarot manuals with decks and crystal packs, some bullshit astrology, and everyday spell books and rune manuals." He explains with something that is definitely not a manic gleam in his eyes.

"Thank you kindly. While I'm here, I'm looking for a birthday present for my brother-in-law; or at least, he will be when they get on with it. Do you have a troll romance section?" He gestures to a large section with a hapzarly placed quadrant diagram over it on the other side of the shop, and she makes an exhausted smile and looks at him knowingly. She again makes her thanks, and then once again goes to look around the shop.

Interested in magic huh? He had her dead to rights in terms of fantasy and with the eloquence she spoke with, gathers she does enjoy classics. There's something about her also that gives him a little bit of a horror vibe. He wonders if he should point out the Stephen King collection just near the counter, but also thinks to himself that she's more than likely a Lovecraft girl, and so he doesn't.

She makes her choices and again comes back to the counter.

"I'm on a rather large trip today and I'm going to have much to carry. Do you by any chance make deliveries." She asks and Ethan tells her that he does, depending on how far away she lives, and it turns out she lives relatively close, leaving Ethan to wonder why he hasn't seen her before.

"Great, can you put it under the name Lalonde?" To which his brain makes a mental key board smash, and he just about manages to get out a "What."

He also manages to get a signed copy of _**Complacency of the Learned**_ and also to invite one of his favourite authors to book club.

 

* * *

  

"Roxy! Welcome to trans club!"

They're all piled into Dirk's living room, because it's his turn to host, and all of them are wearing a seemingly random piece of clothing with a trans flag on it. Dirk isn't wearing his shirt, instead just favouring his binder and seems to be going for comfortable with his sweatpants. His glasses are half hanging of his face, showcasing his striking orange eyes, but mostly hiding his obscene amount of freckles. He has a trans pride wristband, and although his socks aren't the flag, they are the colours. Dave is wearing one of Karkat's baggier sweaters, with a trans flag badge proudly displayed on it. He's still wearing his signature shades and bright red sneakers, and is presentable for the one reason that he had to actually leave the house, unlike Dirk. Jade is wearing a sun dress, because it's nice weather and she seems to be feeling functional today. Shes drawn pink white and blue all over her arms in marker instead of actually wearing it. Davepeta is perched on the couch in a shirt that boldly proclaims 'Trans people are purrfect' and there isn't a chance in hell that that isn't custom made. Their beanie has the nonbinary flag colours on it, matching Roxy's skirt in the same colours that they bought from the gay village on a whim.

They're all messes and it's absolutely wonderful.

Jade explains that right now they're doing a DND campaign that Jade is DMing and Roxy is gonna need to make a character but they can join straight away, because they haven't got very far yet, and Sollux is god knows where, so his character is a little goblin that just pops up whenever he's actually around.

Surrounded by friends, they laugh the night away and have as much fun as they possibly can, because trans self-love is revolutionary, and in this world they're _safe_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! sorry i missed 413 :((  
> wanted to clarify, no Jadedavekat. theyre super good friends!!!  
> also im not hoh and never learned bsl beyond finger spelling, so i couldnt do much with the sign language, i just mostly wanted to establish that dirks voice isnt working as it should and this is their solution. also they would logically use asl and im not american so i avoided specific signs. also my only experience with mutism is going nonverbal during panic attacks so i kind of used that as a base  
> ALSO I WILL THROW HANDS OVER LITERATURE OK DONT TEST ME ROSE IS A BRONTE GIRL AND WOULD ALSO DISOWN JK IF SHE SAW HER TWITTER PAGE i mean im not saying ethan is a self insert because,,, well my name isnt ethan and im not at degree level yet and i work in a butchers not a book store unfortunately thats about it really  
> dont even @ me about how these books exist on earth c its my fic and i get to choose the reading materials  
> and the gay village is an lgbt area in manchester, for all you americans, idk if you have anything like that, but i want these guys to have one  
> i really do hope you liked this and although it isnt a fix it fic i hope it makes you feel a little better about the epilogues anyway  
> i hope you enjoyed this and i just want y'all to know although i am a slow writer im gonna continue to do my best with this even if its not much  
> as of now this fic is officially non-canon which is upsetting but not unexpected with the epilogues


	4. i wish i was jared, 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey hussie if youre listening tell me does this sound like shakira ole ole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL OF MY LAST 3 UPDATES HAVE BEEN AFTER LITERAL MONTHS SO I WANT YOU TO APPRECIATE THE WAVE OF SPITE THAT THE EPILOGIE HAS BROUGHT ME THAT I AM UPDATING THE DAY AFTER  
> and believe me im more surprised this is updating so soon than you are  
> my actual exams are in 2 weeks, and this is what im doing  
> me realizing Jake had yet to make an appearance in this fic: *surprised pikachu*  
> me realizing I have no idea how to write Jake: *surprised pikachu*  
> but yeah WARNING FOR A PANIC ATTACK AND IMPLIED/REFERENCED PAST CHILD ABUSE it's dave and it's not really all that bad and overall pretty short but if u wanna skip it you can skip from "Dave could do this." to "With a shaky breath, Dave makes an empty promise to try again tomorrow. He definitely will."

Roxy supposes their life has always had an element of strangeness to it. Looking down at their green datemate, cheeks somehow dimpled despite her head being a skull, snuggling into her as much as humanly (cherubly?) possible, they're suddenly struck how many, many people would have considered this bizarre beyond reason. Grinning with vindication, Roxy simply presses their lips to Calliope's alien head. The previous earths are dead and gone. They're on Earth C now, and things are better here.

The consorts of their kingdom, though humongous gossips, were unlikely to give even the slightest of shits.

"Darling, you're going to have to let me up." Callie titters, head leaning up to face Roxy, with textbook adoration painting their features. Roxy, in mock scorn, tightens their grip and gasps in 'shock'.

"I," Roxy intones "Will do no such thing." and proceeds to drag their lover deeper into the confines of their duvet fortress and to the dark depths of their matress. Callie giggles, but still attempts to escape Roxy's clutches, to which they simply nuzzle into Callies neck, not loosening their grip even slightly. Callies sigh is exasperated, but endlessly fond. Roxy allows their self a little chuckle as well.

"I only want a drink darling." Calliope attempts to reason, but her voice is muffled by the comforter, and their partner has no intentions of letting them go any time soon.

"And let you brave the dark and the cold, my love? Never." Roxy's tone is gallant and playful, with a mock seriousness that's just buzzing with barely concealed laughter. "What would I do with myself if I let you feel the freezing kitchen tiles on your poor feet? Why I just couldn't forgive myself!"

At this moment, Roxy gives into their inner dramatic and loosens their grip only a little to drape themselves over Callie like a maiden, even bringing up their hand splayed against their forehead. They let out a folorn sigh infested with giggles. Calliope finds herself still unable to get up and resigns herself to her fate, though not as reluctantly as she'd have you believe.

Eventually they tire of the theatrics and flip themselves around to face her. Lying lazily on top of Calliope, Roxy drags themself up to kiss her. It's chaste, sweet, full of affection, and has a lingering taste of cherubim candy that leaves Roxy buzzing on a sugar high. They deepen the kiss with little effort, naturally falling together into a rhythm they've worked to become familiar with. Still, everytime Roxy's lips collide their their partner's, it's like giddy adrenaline pumping through their veins, their brain is like _bzzzz_ and their heart is like _wow_. Literally never gets old. 10/10 would recommend.

Calliope gracefully flips them, and places a sweet kiss on Roxy's cheek before grinning maniacally and leaping off the bed towards the door. Roxy shrieks in betrayal and flies after them, cluthing onto her wrist before she manages to escape onto the landing. They pull her into an embrace, which she leans into easily.

"If you're that worried about me being felled by the malicious kitchen tiles Rox," Calliope hums into Roxy's collarbone, "You can always come with me."

Roxy smiles small and sweet, slipping their hand into Calliope's. "You know I'll follow you anywhere, darlin'."

 

* * *

 

"Kanaya, I just can't do this anymore. It's not working."

"Rose, please, I'm _sorry,_ we can work this out-"

"I literally cannot be married to someone who doesn't know who Naruto is, Kan!"

 

* * *

 

Dave could do this. He could definitely do this. In fact, Dave had never felt more ready to do anything in his life. He had been ectobiologically created ready, in fact, John shot his ass down to earth riding a hot damn meteor for this sole moment to come to pass.

Surely, Dave could open the fridge.

It was a perfectly normal thing to do, one he should be able to do with ease. Jade and Karkat were out, and he'd been idiotic enough to let his secret stash-in-the-closet-that-Karkat-can't-know-about-because-he'd-worry-for-no-reason run dry, so he had nothing to drink and was currently as thirsty as if the Sahara desert ran a marathon where everyone was extremely, unreasonably sexy. It didn't matter though; Dave was more than capable

Ok, maybe their was a lot of trauma associated with the thermal hull- not this specific thermal hull though, which he was currently sequestered in front of, practically vibrating with energy that was most definitely not anxious. It wasn't filled with swords; Dave'd know, he checks everytime Karkat opens it in his general vincinity.

The fridge wasn't even as big a deal as he was making it out to be. It's just that a lot of his trauma has manifested in this one facet in an attempt to compartmentalize, because if he isn't thinking about fridge then he's not thinking about swords, the scars littering his toes, the surprise attacks, the general fuckery that was the kitchen, having to find food, going to bed hungry, being able to count his ribs, a cold uncaring emotionless figure looming over him, _Jegus_ is that _blood_?-

He wasn't shaking, his breathing was fine, he definitely didn't triple check his strife specibus was equipped and he couldn't feel the phantom eyes of his brother lingering on his back, not waiting in anticipation for a strike that couldn't come, since he was dead, but Dave almost longed for, just to release this goddamn pent up energy, constantly feeling like he was about to explode, coiled tight like a spring, because there's nothing IN THERE, HE'S DEAD ALREADY, JUST GET OVER THIS, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING, WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO WEAK, HE'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS---

Oh.

Suddenly the kitchen counter is digging into Dave's back, but he doesn't remember shoving himself away. He's hyperventilating but he can't even begin to get it under control, he should've just gone to the god damn store, _why is like this, what's even happening?_ His eyes are clenched shut so tight it hurts but he don't dare open them in case he's _there_ , but he manages to stop the tears from free falling from his eyes because if Bro sees that shit he's gonna beat his ass, and Dave can't handle the roof right now. Distantly he hears whimpering and sobbing, but he's detached completely from it, before realizing it must be him. His heart is racing and currently trying to wrestle it's way up his throat, his blood is rushing and pounding in his ears but he trys not to think about blood, and he honestly can't tell if his head is throbbing because he's having a panic attack _he is most definitely having a panic attack_ or if he's clutching at his hair that hard. Shakes are wracking his body as he slides down the counter into a sitting posistion, curls up into a ball and trys to remember how to breathe. Because breathing would be nice right about now.

Eventually, everything subsides into a slow manageable hum that's left him drained, exhausted and running on fumes. He gasps in air through sobs and unshed tears and shoves his hands between his knees so he doesn't have to see the tremors. He drags his eyes open and pointedly avoids looking at the fridge.

He stays curled up their until Karkat and Jade come back from their excursion. When they find him, his eyes are still red and puffy but mostly hidden by his shades, unlike the scratch marks that riddle his cheeks. He can't even remember making them. Karkat runs his fingers across them tenderly while Jade hovers behind anxiously, but Dave forgets not to flinch from the touch and concern races across Karkat's features quicker than a soccer mom accosting a referee at a little league. The most Dave can muster is a vacant smile and redundant reassurances before he makes his excuses and makes himself scarce. He counts the stash he has hidden religously, thankful that Jade and Karkat have deigned to give him space for now.

He's utterly alone. Just like how He would've wanted.

With a shaky breath, Dave makes an empty promise to try again tomorrow. He definitely will.

 

* * *

 

It should go on the record that Jake definitely doesn't mind getting his ass out, least of all on national television. It's something to do.

He's basically a God now anyway, and it's part of his Official Page of Hope get-up, so really, who can even complain? Albeit, he's not wearing his god tier pajamas most of the time, because fuck that noise, but still. He isn't hearing many complaints, is the general gist.

And although he's enjoying his new time on Earth C, (really, he is!) he just can't help but feel like there's something missing. He can have a jolly good old time pretending he doesn't know exactly what, but he does. Everytime he picks up his phone, he expects to see a flash of hot pink from Roxy, not drunken rambling anymore, but rambling all the same. Everytime he sees a CrockerCorp logo, he hears the giggling of his closest friend in his ears mixed in with the static buzz of her advertisements. He sees a shitty anime and suddenly his mind has wandered to a complicated place in his mind filled with complex feelings about a particular Strider that he _really_ wished wasn't invoked by shitty anime of all things. These memories haunting him are painfully familiar and he _longs_ for them, like something fundamental to him has been ripped away and left a carnivorous void. So he longs for Roxy to bodily throw themself against him, slinging an arm around his shoulder and babbling their days away, he longs for Jane to saddle up to him in a silly mustache and to wile away time recalling stories of detectives and adventurers they'd both always loved, embroiled in their personal fantasies, and he _longs_ to hear the rare hoarse laugh of Dirk, and to feel his skin underneath his hands and maybe even his lips against his.

But he also remembers. And he can't forget.

Roxy feels distant, like they've been muted. Conquering their alcoholism during the game, killing the condesce and meeting their mother had all been things Roxy held close, hoping to achieve, and these wants had helped shape them. Now in the aftermath, Jake can't help but feel like they're a little bit lost, at a loss with what to do with themselves. They needed to time to figure things out, but Jake just misses his friend. That's probably selfish.

Jane is... beyond complicated. Remnants of a doomed timeline show her repression of her apparent feelings for him, eventually culminating while being posessed by her tiara top- that was all just a huge mess that Jake does his level best to avoid in his mind. The static of her voice and her vacant eyes and her commands. It was nightmare, literally, considering it didn't quite happen that way in the alpha timeline. Instead they just never really resolved their issues and Jake's crippling insecurity came to the surface which somehow didn't seem better. He'd given his life for her, before the retcon. She died anyway.

And then, Dirk. Jesus.

Their relationship crashed and burned, and as much as Dirk just loved a bit of self flagellation as much as the next person, shouldering all the blame on himself had been stupid. Jake could admit when he was at fault too. He hadn't communicated, and neither had Dirk. Not to mention the apocalypse was definitely not the best time to start a relationship, especially when their blatant mental health issues were beginning to come to light. There were good moments, and there were bad, and neither of them managed to figure out that right now it wasn't working.

Jake liked to think they could try again. But they needed to sort things out on their own ends first before they even tried to sort out the mess that were their interpersonal problems. And it didn't mean that Jake couldn't still miss him while he was working through his stuff.

His friends were all struggling, and they were more than likely struggling, and maybe he was a little too. They were broken apart and had no idea how to put themselves back together.

Helium, Xenon, Neon and Krypton. The noble gases. The thing that sets them apart from the other elements, is their inability to form bonds.

Jake misses his friends.

So he does what he does best, and he hopes. And then gets his ass out on national television.

 

* * *

 

"Hey asshole! You gonna give me your money or what?"

Dirk is relatively unbothered by the gun in his face.

"Can I ask what is it about me that makes you think I have money?" Dirk asks, half seriously, given that he decided that walking down the street and going down the alley short cut to the corner store for some milk was not worth getting out of his slouchy clothes for. He looks a little like a hobo, and felt too dysphoric to shower today. He isn't a vision of opulence.

His assaulter waves his gun in a way that shows he didn't approve of the sudden movements of Dirk signing along with what he was saying, to which Dirk sighs. People these days.

"Just give me ya' wallet." The man grouses, and Dirk petulantly thinks that he's not really in a posistion to be complaining about anything given that _he_ is in fact the one mugging _him_.

Dirk considers his options for a moment. He doesn't feel like he particularly likes this guy at this moment in time, and he left his sword back at the apartment, considering it's a two minute trip and he's just not feeling it today.

He lets magenta lighting ripple across his body, cracking menacingly as it wraps around him at his beck and call. His form starts to flicker into different splinters, glitching and creating a distinct uncanny aura around him. Power pulses in his glowing eyes, his entire body illuminated in pure raw power, the ability to rip souls into shreds eagerly awaiting his desire at his finger tips. It's entirely too easy to call it forth, given that he has literally no intention of using it.

He lazily looks the dude, who's dropped his gun for some reason, in the eyes. He looks a little bit scared. Dirk idly wonders why. He's running fucking hell for leather, screaming at the top of his lungs in 5 seconds flat.

Hah. All according to keikaku.

 

* * *

 

_"Hey John, uh- it's me, ya boi. Dave. You know, your best pal._

_So I was just, um, calling. You know how you do. I certainly do. You figured your way around a cellphone yet? Ha. Hh._

_Anyway, it's been a while. So I was just, you know, wondering, uh._

_Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime soon? I- uh- we. We have some things to catch up on._

_Or at least, I have some things I should probably tell you._

_And I miss you bro, which, before you say it, I know. Gay._

_We should really talk._

_Call me back, and uh._

_Let's hang out?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliff hanger time >:3  
> probably also a good time to let you know this won't be updating for at least two weeks while I study for exams, and then another week where I actually do them  
> so take that as you will  
> also I am physically incapable of writing Jake so tell me what you thought of his little interlude, and also if you found my take on the current dirkjake situation satisfactory  
> in fact why don't you just tell me what you thought of everything

**Author's Note:**

> i've been considering changing the title down to just 'the glamorous lives' let me know what u think abt that  
> roast me if you find a typo, and please god comment bc i swear the more comments i get the less erratic the post schedule will be.


End file.
